About choices

Ok, let me see how my life turned out to be like this. Back in the school days, I never had much to decide and I guess you didn’t either. It was all about buying new books, getting new uniforms, new bags, shoes, pencils, cute li’l erasers and what not. Sit in the class, have fun with friends, pray that the teacher is on leave and we get a free hour, go to the library and fight over the latest issue of Tinkle or Disney, wait for the pickup in the evenings, go home and change and run to the ground to play. Some VIP dies or some “union” goes on strike and the school declares a holiday, we go “Hurrraaaaayyyy!” coz for us it was about the holiday and not the world’s problems.

Innocence!

We were the first batch of the school and never had seniors. After the class 10 we were all meant to split and go to different colleges/universities coz we didn’t have a 11th and 12th there and that was really painful. My class strength was always a small one in number… more like a closely knit family. Many of us wanted to go elsewhere, to some colleges, instead of waiting for the class 11 to be started in the school, coz colleges were much less stricter and far more fun. For some reason, I never wanted to go elsewhere. I wanted to stick to the same school, and so, hoped and prayed they would start class 11. And they did. So, my life in that school was extended by another 2 years. New guys and gals joined us, and we made new friends. Life… was fun again.

Hmm… let me see now. Here I made a choice! To stay back in school and not go join a different college or university. If destiny had a role, it was the starting of Class 11 in the same school I guess, coz if it wasn’t started, I would have had to join elsewhere against my will, right?

Anyways, I guess it was too much fun and too less study for us in school and that reflected in our final results. And obviously, the not-worth-mentioning results gave us fewer options after the schooling! But I was one of the “lucky ones”, and got into a highly reputed technical institute after that. Somebody was thinking of putting me in some college in Bangalore in between, but I decided to join this place instead. Everyone who “blamed” me for the poor marks in school, were greatly relieved coz I got into something which was “hard to get in” though I never could figure out what was so “hard” in that. It was a 4 year course, 3 years in the campus and the final year in some company, more like an internship.

And here, I chose to join the technical institute which decided the next few years of my life instead of some college in Bangalore (and Bangalore was just beginning to be a Silicon Valley clone back then). Did destiny play a role here? Is that why I didn’t find the “getting in” part that hard?

We slogged our a$$es off for the next 3 years in the campus. It was a strict…no, too damn strict institute and it was more like a punishment for not being responsible enough in the 2 years before that. But yes, I got to learn a lot of things apart from developing a new skill. In the 3rd year we got to choose from a list of companies that needed trainees for the next year, and me along with another 2 of my close buddies chose a really good company to go to. Unfortunately due to some confusion later, we had to reconsider and 2 of us had to decide on another not-so-well-known name. Next 1 year I spent in what was actually the worst company in that list we got. Our friends felt sorry for us, but there was nothing we could do. It was part of our course and we had to complete it. We used to count the days there. And in fact the whole one year made us hate the trade and start thinking of switching to something better. And we did too.

So, what is at play here? I did make a choice…to go for one of the best companies. But something turned up unexpectedly and the whole thing was called off and we were forced to take a second decision. That ended up in me getting the worst one on the same list. That wasn’t my choice at all, and it even led to a lot of events and sufferings in my life later on. Destiny????

After the internship, all of us were on our own, looking for new jobs while many continued to work in the same company they had the internship at. The management wanted me to stay back in the company, but I was least interested. I moved on, ended up in Bangalore in the next couple of months. In the next 1 year, I tried different companies but my mind wasn’t set to accept this. After a lot of thinking and consultation, I decided to change the path. Yup, I took my first step into the world of computers and software. What followed was another long stint in life. I lost many things, but also achieved a few valuable things.

Wouldn’t go into details now, coz that would be a li’l too much for you 😉 Anyway, here I am today, designing my own web pages and blog, writing my experiences and thoughts, and you reading it. I did suffer a lot through out this journey, but I’ve also learned a lot of things and also had my share of happy moments and some beautiful ones too. All this was based on my choices in life. Sometimes I did have to rethink or change my decision coz of unexpected turn of events. Was that destiny? Am I being taken to where I’m meant to be?

That one thing is what I don’t understand still. If all my choices were easy and had taken me the way I wanted to go, where would I be now? What would I be doing? Who would be my friends? Would I have met all the people who I met here? (And mind you, some of them are the best things that have happened to me ever). How different would my life be if I never had to rethink or change my decision in the past? Was I meant to be in the field I am right now? Or would I have been happier in the other one?

I don’t know. It’s a mystery I’ll never solve.

End note: I shouldn’t be thinking so much about it either. Life is all about choices, and what happens in the course of life is based on those choices. Nothing is pre-written. If we have to reach somewhere, we have to make the move. It’s our life, we are in control.

And for the record, if I get a chance to go back and change any one choice I made in the past, I wouldn’t do it. Coz, doing so may change everything that followed and I may lose some really valuable things I have now.

Thanx all for reading this and sorry for bugging you with it 🙂